boys.

Yesterday: Day off. What did I do? No, really..........OH! Lunch with a friend, library for a few hours, picked up winter clothes from Mom, went to Board of Ed. meeting.

Today: Drove friend to work at 12. Went to work at 2 to closing. So boring. Whoop-ee.

I cover board of education meetings every other work as a freelancer. I've done three.

It's funny the difference two weeks can make. It's a perfect amount of time, really, to tell if you like someone, or you've settled into your home, or if you're happy at work, what friendships have changed, what's new, what's disapepared.

(Wrote this on receipt paper at work. I do that a lot.)

My Life by BOE meetings --

1st one, 9/6 --
He had come over to Mom's apartment. We went for a walk. Some chit-chat, a few kisses. Oddly, a few tears, which he oh-so-gently swept from my face. So sweet. We walk back and he comes inside, just for a minute. We hug goodbye and as we both drive away, he honks and waves.

me: OMG LI drivers!!!
him: i know right?

9/20 --
He called but I couldn't answer. I call back on my way to the meeting. It's an alright conversation, but the fact I haven't seen him in a week is not lost on me.

10/4 --
Deleted his #, deleted the texts a few days ago. Went on a not-a-date last night with someone else. He paid for my ticket and kissed me good-night. It was not a date. I don't have that fluttery feeling, but maybe I could like him.



So what if the butterflies/goosebumps/unicorns-shitting-rainbows aren't there yet? They can form, right? And here's a guy who might like me. And I'm so fucking used to being alone that I worry I always will be. It's not just a habit, it's an ingrained trait. I don't want it to be. (Still, don't force something with someone who isn't right.) But just enjoy the company? For a little while? Forget about the other guy. It's stupid.

(So many brain cells about boys. So. Many. Cells.)