sad.

I wonder, sometimes (all the time).... what the hell is wrong with me.

Hm.

One good thing -- the first time, ever, my editor has responded to my story saying she couldn't fit all of it in the paper, but it will all go online. No edits. (But I don't trust that I won't get a phone call tomorrow.)

Hm.

There's a new kid at work. He's my new best friend. We have identical senses of humor. We can chit-chat. He's going to fix me up with his firefighter friend. Manna from Heaven?

I saw an old face yesterday. I missed it. Saw another old face today. I didn't miss that one.

thoughts

I want to write, but what about?

A list of random thoughts, alrighty!

-Work has been crazy-busy, but it occupies the mind.
-When you're left to sit still for too long, my mind goes to bad places.
-This includes, lately, every night when I turn off my light to sleep. The thoughts come too fast. Always the same one. Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night. You are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight.
-Shocker, hormone levels effect your mood. Break. Ing. news. Turns out there was a reason, other than a flaw in my personality, that I was in tears last week.
-Living alone can get lonely. (Sure, I have a roommate, but she's just a roommate, and we're passing ships in the night. I miss living with my friend.)
-A phone call from a friend can relaly brighten the day.
-ONE nice customer can totally change your mood.
-So can a bad one.
-So can stepping away and taking a breather.
-I will always appreciate a new and undiscovered source of good writing.
-Francis and the Machine - Shake it Off. Listen to on repeat.
-Life is crazy.
-Life is boring.
-Life is repetitive.
-It can change in an instant.
-But change can be gradual, or dramatic.
-Fear is the thing that holds us back. Fear is the strongest thing we will ever build, and its strength relies entirely on our own self-delusion.
-Inactivity is a manfiestation of laziness, complacency, and perhaps fear.
-Christmas music should really not start until after Thanksgiving. November is for turkey, December is for Santa.
-Ditto on the Christmas decorations. Why should Christmas get two whole months of celebration? Makes me dread the holiday.
-Editors can be the nitpickiest creatures.
-Duh, that's what they're paid for.
-Freelancing is hard when you have a full-time job.
-I'm grateful for my job, but I sure wish it paid more. Like, double.
-Still: thankful.
-Alright, that's enough.

today

Today was an interesting day that I can't quite put into words, and am not sure I want to put into a public forum.

The last few days were tiring, and I learned something - how lucky I am. Lucky, because I have friends of all ages whom I can turn to when my family is absent, physically or emotionally. And when you're falling apart, you need family. So, I'm lucky I have a sister-from-another-mister who got what I was saying, and listened to me sob, and got mad with me, and said all the right things.

I am so lucky. So blessed.